Confessions of a Minister

                Within my tradition (Independent Christian Church, typically known as the Christian Church) confession is not emphasized much. Confession is considered a private matter and something for a person to deal with solely between an individual and God. I am not sure how Biblical that concept of confession might be. I would suspect that it has more to do with the ripple effects of the reformation then something Biblical.

                Anyway, a while back I gave a message on a Sunday morning titled “My confessions”. In Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount (Matt. 5-7) he indicates that those who join his Kingdom of God community are to keep their good deeds secret while openly confessing their faults. It is yet another way that Jesus flips conventional wisdom on its head. It is with that in mind that I offer my confessions. I have edited the original message so that it might make more sense to those outside of my church ministry context.

·         I don’t evangelize or at least not in the stereotypical way.

                I want to confess this to you because my fear is that there are a lot of Jesus followers who feel guilty about not evangelizing (also known as “soul winning” and or “bring people to Jesus”). So here is what I do. I build a relationship with someone. I don’t tell them that I am a minister or a Christian upfront. I never do because as soon as most folks find out I am a minister things just get weird. They act differently. It just gets weird. So I don’t tell them I am a minister upfront unless they ask.

                In building my relationship I do the best I can to live constantly in front of them the Fruit of the Spirit (Gal.5 love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness and self-control). Living out the Fruit of the Spirit in our current culture makes one standout like a sore thumb. What I don’t do is jump into a conversation asking if they know Jesus, go to church or other “religious stuff”. I tell you this because you need to figure out what works for you. I do think that Jesus followers are called to make an impact on the people and situations around us. For me that starts with building a relationship. I have learned to trust that God is already at work in the lives of people before I meet them. All I have to do is point that out.

·        I struggle with my faith.

            I know that I am in a position where it might be supposed that I have all my questions about the Bible or theology answered. Yet, there are parts of the Bible that confound me and simplistic answers just don’t seem to help. The Bible is more nuanced than its critics might suppose. My prayer is often like that of Thomas Merton.

“My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this, you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.”

                If I have given you the impression that I have all the answers I confess that I don’t. Nobody does. I see the suffering in the world. I don’t live in an ivory tower above it all. I have witnessed the suffering of children, friends and family. I have lost loved ones. Suffering always brings up questions. While I don’t always have the answers I do, ultimately, trust the “answerer”.

·        I worry about the church I serve and the Church in general.

                I love the church that I serve. (Harmony Christian Church, www.harmonychurch.tv) Yet what I long for is risk taking. The Church is full of potential to change lives, put families back together and offer a real alternative to the ways that the world organizes itself. Yet somewhere along the way that potential gets lost. Budget concerns. Enabling poor behavior. Personal agendas. Worship wars. Basic relational dysfunction. Failures of nerve. Group think. Comfort. All of these and more serve to rob the Church of its wonderful potential. Some might say things like this happen because of unclear theology, a lack of Biblical truth or blame liberalism or conservatism. Those can be factors for sure. I think it boils down to taking responsibility. Taking responsibility for your emotions, your anxieties and your choices. It is a lack of ability to define yourself and have appropriate personal boundaries for others to define themselves. (Read the book Failure of Nerve)

                There is no perfect Church. Every Church community is messy and has its own issues. I worry about the Church and my church because I deeply believe that Jesus does have Good News. And that Good News really is for everyone (as in everyone). And that Good News literally changes lives. I have witnessed it and experienced it. When Christians split Churches, leave a Church just to join another because it is a better fit. Stop attending because they “aren’t being feed” or “don’t feel connected” they rob themselves of maturing in Christ. They cut themselves off from the deep healing of working though those their hurts. Doesn’t mean that you will stay but it does mean you can move on without bitterness. All of this stifles the Churches witness to the world that Jesus’ resurrection really did change things. It is one of the reasons why a lot of younger people are walking away from the Church and my church.

·         I can be spiritually lazy and truth be told so are many of you.

                God has blessed us all in so many ways. You have incredible talent. You have a heart for people. Yet you substitute making an impact for God’s Kingdom with walking into Church on Sunday. That is great. There certainly is a lot to get. Prayers. Bible reading. Bible study. Gathering with other Christians. Communion (Eucharist). There is much that happens on a Sunday that can feed your soul. But then you just walking out. No service. No next step. Just spiritual laziness. Instead of asking what cross I can pick up, you let other people pick it up for you. Sometimes I have done the same. It is spiritual laziness. A lack of desire to live into the fullness that God has given me and you.

                The Church is often supported and served by a small group of people. A small group of people tend to give just about all of the money to support all of the church events and programs. It is the old 80/20 rule. In Church (no matter the size, location or theology) you often have 20% of the people that do the majority of giving and serving. While 80% enjoy the fruits of their labor. Sadly a lot of people who attend Church are totally okay with this. Which leads to the next confession.

·        I wish I could quit. 

                I don’t want to quit but I wish I could. I feel totally incapable and overwhelmed. Most ministers do. We just don’t talk about it openly. It is an overwhelming task to “equip the saints” (Eph. 4:12). There is no other job description like it in any other field of work. Being a church minister is one of the most difficult “jobs” ever hands down. Ministers often have a host of unspoken expectations placed upon them. They are to be theologians, Bible scholars, counselors, visionaries, organizers, leaders, prayer warriors on top of having omniscience about people's issues, concerns, illnesses and whereabouts. Making Jesus the center of your life, at home, at work, at the gym, at school . . . is a tall task for myself much less assisting others to achieve that goal as well. The weight of Sunday attendance being up or down, visitors that need contacted, budget issues, troubles that members of the congregation are experiencing, conflicts, leadership issues, organizational issues . . . are often placed on the shoulders of the local minister. Is it truly a mystery why so many local ministers suffer with depression or leave local church ministry? Truth is most Christians want their ministers to be chaplains. Which is a slap in face to chaplains. Anyway, they want someone to provide some guidance but no challenge.

                I fancy the idea that if I was not serving as a minister then I would be some sold out for Jesus disciple. It is something that I desire for myself as well as for others. I just can’t help but wonder if I and you are robbing ourselves of the incredible adventure of following Jesus. So I wish I could quit and be some Jesus freak. I can’t help but wonder what will be heard when you or I stand before God. Will we hear “Well done good and faithful servant” or “congratulations you skated by”.

·        I confess that I am inconsistent with Bible Study and Prayer.

            Which is a shame because it is a major part of my job. It is like talking to a guy that runs a golf course who complains that they don’t get a chance to play 18 holes much. You run a golf course! I do pray a lot and I do read the Bible a lot. However, I am inconsistent and that troubles me. I know that many of you are inconsistent with Bible study and prayer as well. By the way I don’t think that inconsistency means lack of faith.

·        I worry about the kids and youth at the church I serve

                Many children today are involved in a lot of sports and other activities. The youth sports industry has tapped into parental anxieties. Promises of scholarships, reaching the big leagues, being healthy, keeping kids out of trouble and so forth all seem to be the would be solution to family issues. There is nothing wrong with having your kids involved in activities. But help with me with the list . . . girl scouts, boy scouts, band, sports of every kind, very form of martial arts, special music classes and so on and so on.  Not to mention all of the other activities that Christians have created as alternatives to groups like the boy scouts and girl scouts.

                Point is I witness a lot of families that center themselves and their bank accounts not on Jesus but on their kids athletic or activities schedule. Couples plan their lives around practices, tournaments, team pictures, campouts, fundraisers, and more. All the while they will miss out on weeks if not months of Sunday services. By their own choices they have substituted athletic and other events for the God they claim to worship. I am not down on sports or having good healthy activities for children and youth to be involved with. I worry because whatever the lessons or values taught by being involved in sports and even good activities might be . . . . what is the effect by making a child or their activities the center of a marriage of the life of family life?
               

·         There is this story from Luke 8 that just creeps me out

                In Luke 8 we meet with guy named Jairus. Jairus is a the leader at a synagogue. This probably means that he has enough financial means to own a large size home or building in which the synagogue holds its services. He also has a daughter who is sick and is probably going to die. Jairus has heard about the healings Jesus has performed. Thus Jairus goes to find Jesus.

                He does and tells Jesus about his daughter. Jesus tells Jairus that he will heal his daughter. As soon as that happens Jesus is surrounded by other people who want Jesus to heal them too. This holds Jesus up from going to Jairus’ home. Eventually the little girl dies because Jesus was held up. When Jesus finds out the girl has died he exits his location quickly and goes to Jairus’ home. When Jesus arrives he heals Jarius’ daughter.

                I share that because following Jesus means following. Churches need Jesus followers who are willing to volunteer and give (that means money). Getting ministry done equals money. Bible lessons for youth and children, programs that help families, events that promote healthy marriages, websites that help connect with the community, Sunday bulletins and so forth all cost money. Many Churches are unable to provide needed programs or connect with their communities because followers of Jesus simply don’t give. Churches also need volunteers. Volunteers are an essential part of ministry getting done.

                I guess what I am getting at is am I one of those people standing around Jesus. Am I standing there waiting for Jesus to do something for me? A far better thing to do would be allowing Jesus to go where he needs to be and I just follow. I know many people that if their dog was injured they would spare no expense. They would get their beloved family pet to the best medical care they could no matter the cost. They would pay the cost and volunteer their time to provide the proper medication or therapy. The Church has the words of life to literally save people lives. Amazingly that is not a worthy enough cause to give towards or volunteer time at.