The Deadly Sin of Lust

In Matthew 5:28 Jesus says “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” I think that Jesus has just called us all adulterers. Jesus was a very provocative teacher. He challenged the statuesque. Issues of sexuality are typically not enjoyable topics espcially within the Church. Sexually has the potential for trust, life, commitment, sharing, caring and at the same time it has the potential for violence, shame, aggression, hatred and death. Some of the cruelest acts that human beings are capable of doing to other human beings are often sexual in nature.

American society struggles with issues of sexuality often because we have come to believe that there is a separation between our physical bodies and our spiritual selves. We are all more Platonist then we realize. I would suggest that sexuality is deeply spiritual just like everything is spiritual. When we attempt to separate body and spirit then we often end living exceptionally unhealthy lives. Our sexuality is a spiritual thing. What we do with your sexuality is our spiritual practice. Sadly the Church has not done a great job in talking about sex and sexuality. Can’t fix that in the next few moments yet we take a moment and reflect on the topic of lust and how that might manifest itself in our daily lives.

Lust is often all about the pursuit of, the dwelling on, sexual desire and pleasure. Some might say “I am lusting after this car” or a home but really lust is all about sexual desires. Lust is all about the self and not really interested in nor concerned about others.

This is where we need a quick and greatly summarized history lesson. In 1 Cor. 7 Paul writes that Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. When Paul writes this letter to the Corinthian Christians his main motivation is that Christ will return soon. This is not some end of the world Mayan calendar stuff but this is Paul’s main motivation. In this particular passage Paul suggests that the real issue is not whether to get married or not. Paul suggests that the main issue at hand is that Christ will be returning to put the world right. Thus why is getting married or not getting married your main concern. If you desire, if you are burning with the passion to marry, then do so. 

It is also worthy to note here that Paul uses the word unmarried to describe himself. That word in Greek carries with it the meaning of a person who has never been married and is thus single. The word unmarried in Greek can also mean a person who is divorced and is thus unmaried as well. So the debate rages on if Paul was married, divorced or single. Some Christians have taken what Paul says and have suggested that it is better to remain unmarried as in single as in never been married. How can a follow of Christ be as holy and pure as possible? Some Christians have assumed that the answer to this question is to remain unmarried as in never married. As in remain a virgin. 

Thus some Christian thinkers have taken passages like 1 Cor. 7 to mean that what a pure and holy follower of Christ should do is run away from marriage, separate their body from their sexual desires and devote themselves to God. In Christian history this is where you get monks and nuns. In church history the main Christian thinkers that have suggested this course of action are referred to as the Dessert Fathers or the Cappadocian Fathers. The theological ideas of the Dessert Fathers would later on influence a fellow called Augustine. Although Augustine was raised by Christian parents he ended up lived a self-described hedonistic life style in his later teen years and into his 20s.

Eventually Augustine had a women become his partner and the two had a son. When Augustine decided to commit his life to Christ and be baptized he left his partner along with his son and went out into the dessert to purge himself of all sexual desire. Later on Augustine will write that all sexual desire is part of the fall of a man. Thus sex and sexual desire are not good and not part of what God made when he created the world. In fact Augustine would be one of the first Christian theologians to suggest that the only reason for sex is to produce children. Sex for any other reason Augustine, would write later, turns marriage beds into brothels. Agree or disagree with Augustine his thinking has been very influential within Christianity and society at large.

In our day this thinking has created a kind of hierarchy of sin and purity within the realm of sex. Within the culture at large and especially within the church virgins are considered pure and holy and next to God. If you want be holy then remain a virgin. The next level down from virgins is being married without sex and the next level down from that is marriage with pleasureless sex (According to Augustine). I am highlighting more of the extreme views here to demonstrate how Christians tend, at times, to go off course.

I grew up going to church and heard very little about what the Bible or Christian theology had to say on the subject of sexuality. The basic message was just don’t have sex before you get married. I can remember sitting at youth conference full of Jr. and Sr. High students. The speaker (speaking mostly to the girls in the room) was talking about sex and sexuality. He said that you are like a piece of coal that has been pressed into a diamond. A diamond is something that is valuable and has great worth. That diamond is your virginity and nobody wants a diamond that has been scratched. Who wants a worthless lump of coal? Who would want a lump of coal if they could have a perfect diamond? Don’t ruin the rest of your life and keep your life pure. There are so many men and women walking around carrying so much shame and pain because their diamond got scratched and they have felt like a lump of coal ever since.  

You were created for love. You were created for goodness and that goodness includes your body. Do you need to be careful – yes. But don’t think that because your diamond got scratched that purity is somewhere else. Eros is one of the Greek words for love. It means erotic. It is the word that would be the most provocative when it came to love. Eros also means friendship, community and sacrifice. Even the Greeks who were fast and loose with sexuality, even they knew that eros,  erotic love had an aspect to it that involved friends and community. It is not just purely sexual desires and pleasure or what we think of as lust.

It is interesting that in Latin the word sexuality carries with it a root word that means cut off or separated. In the Bible it tells us that a man and women will leave their father and mother and become one.  Why is sex and sexuality  such a driving force that often leads people in the wrong direction? Often it is because they feel cut off, they feel alone and think that sex will fill that void in their lives. Lust tends to blind us. It tends to be hyper focused. Lust is selfish. It does not really care about others. It is set on its own desires.

What the sin of lust is truly seeking is communion, community and friendship. If every single human being feels cut off, separated, incomplete, and carries around a sense of longing - then what is that longing really all about? Is it only all about sexual desire and pleasure? It would seem that what we are truly seeking is not just sex but a connection. The book of Genesis tells us that Adam and Eve were naked in the Garden of Eden and felt no shame. They looked at each other without heaping on all their desires. Why does cheap sex not work? Because cheap sex only furthers our separation and loneness. There truly is a walk of shame back to the car in the morning because what we longing for most can’t be fulfilled in that way. It would seem than that sexual desires are not just about sex. It is about trust, humor, commitment, grace, friendship, romance, community and sacrifice. In 1 Thess. 4:3-6 Paul writes It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong or take advantage of a brother or sister.

How do you break the habit of lust in your life? Paul says part of the answer to that is not saying I am going to forget about this person and focus on God. The answer is not I am going to put this out of my head and think only about God. Instead Paul says suggest that you consider the other human being by not taking advantage of a brother or sister. There is another human being with thoughts, feelings, emotions, hopes that are on the other end of your lustful desires. Are you dealing with pornography? On the other end of the screen is a human being. You are taking advantage of a brother or a sister a fellow member of the human race created in the image of God.

Are you taking advantage of a fellow brother or sister with your selfish lustful desires? Certainly pornography does that. Yet consider your other relationships. Your boy friend or girl friend, wife, husband, can you say that you are not taking advantage? The advantage being that you want all of your needs, wants and desires met. Paul is saying if you really want to love your neighbor as yourself then who is your neighbor?. Any human being. What happens when you are locked into lust is that you stop seeing others as truly human. They are merely objects that are to meet all of your needs.

Christians have long up held the practice of confession. Finding a trusted Christian friend in whom one can confide and be honest is a step towards dealing with lust. Opening your mouth to a fellow Christian and confessing that you need help breaks the trance of lust. James 5:16 Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed.